Navigating Moody Moments (Letter 25)

In a small teaching group, one of the players regularly puts herself down with comments like, “I’m never going to get this” or “That was a stupid move.” It’s been addressed gently several times—both by me and another group member—with reminders like, “We don’t talk like that here.” I’ve even tried sending encouraging group texts to shift the tone, but nothing seems to help.

It’s gotten to the point where the atmosphere feels heavy, and I’m honestly considering stepping away from the group altogether. Do you have any suggestions for how to handle this kind of persistent negativity?

Mood Minder

Dear Mood Minder,

I hear you. It’s really tough when someone keeps putting themselves down, especially when the group has already asked for a change to no avail. That can make the game less fun for everyone, and it’s natural to feel frustrated.

I took a Stephen Covey course in my younger days and will never forget a quote I learned, “Seek First to Understand.” Sometimes, people get stuck in negative self-talk because of deeper worries or fears, and it’s not always easy for them to stop, even when others ask. If you feel up to it, a one-on-one conversation focused on curiosity (not correction) might help. You could say something like, “I notice you get down on yourself a lot, and I want to understand what’s going on for you during the game. I’m here to help if I can.” Sometimes just knowing someone cares without judgment opens a new door. If she’s not ready for that kind of talk, it’s okay to protect your own experience by deciding how much time and energy you want to invest in the group.

Pick up a moonstone-sized gem that can rest on a rack – check Hobby Lobby, Michaels, or Amazon. Moonstones are said to have healing and calming qualities — perfect for helping shift the energy when things get tense or self-critical.

Here’s how it works: whenever someone says something negative or starts to complain, they get the Moan Stone. It’s passed along throughout the day, and whoever ends up with it — like in the age-old hot potato game — pays a lighthearted “penalty” to each player (a quarter, 50 cents, $1).

The goal isn’t to shame or single anyone out, but to gently spotlight the moment and shift the energy. It’s a playful way to encourage mindful self-talk and keep the atmosphere light, warm, and welcoming for everyone at the table.