When the Welcome Isn’t Real (Letter 26)

I recently joined a local club where several members play mah jongg each week. When I asked to join, I was told the group was full, but later the activities coordinator encouraged me to attend, saying there was plenty of space. The group even sent me a welcome email, so I began showing up weekly with my own tiles and joined whichever table needed a fourth.

Over time, though, I started to feel like an outsider. Players seemed to have set tables and didn’t rotate. Some barely acknowledged me, and more than once I sat waiting to see if I’d even get to play. Most recently, two tables formed while I sat alone with my set until another member arrived to claim the spot.

I love mah jongg and play with another friendly group that’s open and kind, but this one feels closed off. I’m not new to the game — I can hold my own — but I’m discouraged. Should I keep showing up or just walk away?

Lonely Outsider

Dear Lonely Outsider,

First, I’m sorry this happened. No one should feel invisible in a game designed to bring people together. What you describe isn’t about skill, it’s about group culture. Sometimes a group’s culture doesn’t align with your values, no matter how welcoming their initial email sounded.

Mah jongg thrives on inclusion. Every player deserves a seat, not just at the table, but in the spirit of play. When members form fixed tables, avoid rotation, or quietly exclude newcomers, it stops being a club activity and becomes a private circle in a public space. That’s not in the spirit of community, and it’s not something you should take personally.

Since you’ve already tried to engage graciously, I’d suggest taking this to the activities coordinator rather than the group leader. Be factual, not emotional. You might say:

“I’ve been attending the club’s mah jongg games and noticed some groups don’t rotate or include new members, even when tables are open. I’d love to understand how the club handles shared spaces and whether there are plans for an open-play group.”

That approach frames the issue as one of access and fairness, not personality. It also allows the coordinator to support a more inclusive environment, or even help you start a new open-play group that welcomes everyone.

You’re clearly someone who values kindness, fairness, and integrity—the qualities that make mah jongg more than just a game of tiles. If this group can’t reflect that, don’t keep showing up to be dismissed. Take your energy where it will be appreciated.

Sometimes the best move isn’t joining an existing group, it’s creating a new one.