A Touchy Subject (Letter 29)

I have a question about handling an awkward situation without embarrassing someone. I play regularly with a group at our community center, and one of the players has a habit of bitting her nails when she’s thinking about her hand. I’m sure she doesn’t even realize she’s doing it, but we’re all handling the same tiles throughout the game.

I don’t want to call attention to it in front of everyone or make her feel uncomfortable, but I’m also not comfortable ignoring it. Is there a tactful way to handle something like this?

Seeking Tact

Dear Seeking Tact,

Sometimes honesty really is the best policy—especially when it comes with a little sensitivity.

Before having an uncomfortable conversation, though, you might try a gentler approach. Keep a small bottle of hand sanitizer with you and use it periodically while you play. If the opportunity presents itself, you could simply say, “Since I’ve been playing mah jongg, I’ve become much more aware of how often we touch our faces or mouths while we’re thinking about our hands. I’ve gotten into the habit of using hand sanitizer while I play.”

You could even offer it around the table. That turns hand hygiene into something everyone can participate in rather than something directed at one person.

She may recognize her own habit and begin using the sanitizer without you ever having to point it out. If she doesn’t and the behavior continues to bother you, then a private, honest conversation may still be necessary.

Tact doesn’t always mean avoiding an uncomfortable subject. Sometimes it means finding the kindest way to address it while preserving the other person’s dignity.