Deflection Tension, Oh My (Letter 15)

We have a player in our group who doesn’t take corrections well. Whenever someone points out a rule mistake they made, they immediately deflects by bringing up things others have done wrong—often unrelated or from earlier games. It creates a tense atmosphere and is starting to affect the vibe at the table. The tricky part is, we’re all friends, so no one wants to rock the boat or make it awkward. How should we handle this?

Tired of Tension

Dear Tired of Tension,

You’re describing a common group dynamic challenge, especially in tight-knit games like mah jongg, where players take pride in their play but may feel vulnerable when corrected. The behavior you’re seeing—deflecting criticism by shifting blame—is a defense mechanism, but it can erode trust and create a “gotcha” culture instead of a supportive one. The key is establishing a group culture where corrections are part of the learning process and apply to everyone, without exception or retaliation.

Consider introducing a gentle reminder at the start of play or through a group message reinforcing this tone: “In our game, we help each other stay sharp by pointing out rules respectfully. If someone makes a mistake, we correct it and move on—no need to call out past actions or others at the table.” This keeps everyone focused on growth, not blame.

If the pattern continues, a calm, private conversation with the player may be necessary. Let them know that their response affects the group’s enjoyment and ask for their cooperation in keeping the tone constructive. Most players will adjust when they realize the impact of their behavior, especially if the message is framed in terms of preserving the group’s harmony. A little kindness and consistency can go a long way.

Consider creating a group charter to set clear expectations while maintaining the group’s friendly and welcoming atmosphere.