Social Connectedness and Cognitive Impairment (Letter 4)

Dear Hoptoi,

I would appreciate gentle suggestions for handling the very obvious cognitive decline of several of our regular players in an open-to-all community mah jongg group.
These lovely people have played for years and now are very nearly unable to participate. A single game can take over 45 minutes and they constantly need reminding of basic rules. One individual asked this week if anyone had received their new card yet (and they were in possession of the 2024 card).

The seasoned individuals not affected by cognitive impairment are becoming impatient and actively attempting to avoid playing with the impacted players. Latecomers often “wind up” at the table with two or three of the impacted players and have a miserable experience.

As our group only plays for two hours, and these players are very slow, asking to switch/mix up after four games is not really a realistic solution.

I worry about these people driving, much less playing. Any ideas would be greatly appreciated.

Concerned Facilitator

Dear Concerned Facilitator,

Playing a single 45-minute game would be unbearable for most experienced players, and this issue can become toxic if something is not done soon.

When I faced this situation in a meetup, a member close to the player had a gentle yet frank conversation with a family member. Soon after, the player was no longer driving but continued playing with us for a while. It was challenging, but we were happy that we could help this player with social connectedness.

One of our solutions was to create two events. One was called “Open Play,” where everyone who comes knows that they will need to play with anyone regardless of ability and skill level because there is a player rotation; it sounds like what you are already doing. The other was called “Advanced Play,” open to members comfortable playing a 15-minute game.

Here are the descriptions I used:

Members who know the basics of the game but want to improve their game should look for “Open Play” events. These events are where beginner and intermediate players hone their skills with experienced players nearby to help when needed. Players experiencing mild cognitive impairment may also be in attendance. Experienced members are welcome to attend these events but should expect to play slower and stop to help others when asked.

Members who can play a 15-minute game should look for “Advanced Play” events. We are a very social group, so even though games are played relatively quickly, there will still be socializing. If you prefer a serious, no-frills game, this may not be the group for you.

I highly recommend meeting with the members to talk about culture, pace, sportsmanship, house rules, and how to handle issues if they occur. Use the consensus and create a group charter to protect the integrity of the group and manage expectations. Current and new members must agree to play by the rules in the charter. If someone is not in agreement, they are not a good fit and should find another group.